Mixed Families

 This week is a hard one to talk about for two reasons. One, it's not something that is brought up very often in conversation but is common and second, I don't have much experience with it. What I'm talking about is mixed families or two families that have become one. We typically run into families like this but may not know or realize it unless it is brought up. Families like this can seem as normal as any other family, so this shows families can be made up of any group of people as long as they are willing to care for each other.

With these types of families, there are common issues that parents of kids in this situation will have to deal with and that is what this week's blog post is about. So one of the ones that I have seen is very commonly joint custody and how discipline is dealt with between the two living arrangements. Next is how kids see their parents, then lastly is how kids born after remarriage see the kids from before. These all affect the life of both parents and children in the family in different ways and these are just outsider observations of how it does.

So joint custody is hard on both kids and parents because the parents usually don't want to see each other, but at the same time, the kid is living with both of them. Because of this, the kid is stuck between a rock and a hard place because they typically care for both their parents. Sometimes, being forced to take sides and may have resentment toward one or both parents as they grow up. The kid also finds ways to avoid punishment by pining the parents against either or no culmination is done by the parents involved in the joint custody. The rules of the parents aren't the same, so the children learn to avoid punishment by using their other parent as a shield or escaping to the other's home. So, even if a family has parted ways, discipline of a child needs to be constant in both homes.

Next is the common phrase we hear in movies that hurts the stepmother or stepfather "your not my parent, you can do that". This can only hurt a family's relationship if not all adults that are raising the child are considered parents or at least guardians of the child. When a child feels that an adult has no control over them, then they will do whatever they please with them and will ignore any advice or discipline they give. Kids also shouldn't feel as that if they want to do something, they could ask one parent and get told yes even when the other may argue against it. All the parents have different opinions, but if one said no, that should be that. Parents, even ones that have spread, need open communication to properly raise a kid.

Lastly, is the kid born into this, or do both parents bring kids into the new marriage? They need to treat all the kids the same and not show favoritism to any of them. I have seen this with my grandma and her fourth husband. They kind of had a competition going on between the two of them on who could spoil their grandkids more. As a kid, we enjoyed it and didn't even notice it very often, but there were sometimes grandkids on either side who saw what the other grandkids got and there may have been some jealousy. I could see that if kids were raised where the parents were always trying to outdo the other but only spoiling their own kids, then the kids may grow to despise or dislike each other. So kids should be treated equally based on age and how they act.

So, in the end, it may be hard to mix or have a family have parents split. It is still possible to raise a kid in this kind of environment. There just have to be rules and common ground met between all the parents, so communication is what is needed. If a kid feels they are in control, then they will not listen to any adults in their life, and this can hurt their future. So learning how to set rules and boundaries that are consistent with all the parents is key.